Category: Life

Well, this is awkward.

Let’s address the elephant in the library (ha… ha…) I apologize for my absence. Sometimes you read 11 books in a month, and sometimes you read, well, none.

For the month of May, however, I decided to fall back into my reclusive, book-binging ways and boy oh boy do I have a few goodies for you.

*YouTuber voice* And without further ado, let’s get into it.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism

Grady Hendrix

     Firstly, we need to address how fucking fantastic this book cover and its sleeves are. The hardcover version is laid out exactly how you’re imagining your parent’s high school yearbooks are, instantly setting you up for a fun (albeit dark) reading experience. The insides are riddled with signatures and lengthy variations of H.A.G.S all addressed to one of the main characters, Gretchen, and well… you know what? I’ll insert a photo. It’s great.

     The book is set in the 1980’s amid the beginning of the very real satanic panic. The culture of the 80’s and the whole ‘there-is-evil-controlling-the-world-I-think-my-neighbor-might-be-sacrificing-a-cat-help-me-Jesus” mentality that was quite literally a thing, drives the plot of this horror-comedy that is otherwise about deeply rooted friendships and the lengths we go to in order to preserve the ones we hope will stand the test of time.

     Abby and Gretchen have been the best of friends since 5th grade. It’s that pure and heartwarming friendship that’ll leave you feeling nostalgic for the friend that you grew up with during your awkward phase. Things take a turn for the worse, however, when the girls find themselves on a bad acid trip in the middle of the woods during high school. Gretchen wanders off to God knows where and disappears for a period of time, concerning the other girls. That being said, Gretchen’s strange behavior upon her return ends up being much more worrisome. Abby becomes convinced that a demonic possession is to blame for the wedge driven between them, and commits to doing whatever it takes to save her best friend.

     Now, this is not a terribly scary book. I don’t imagine many readers will be losing any sleep or reaching for their holy water. With that in mind, a few intensely detailed visuals of several particularly disturbing scenes might make your skin crawl a bit. Grady Hendrix does a wonderful job of delving deep into some squirmy shit, while simultaneously keeping the overall tone lighthearted and comedic. I was extremely impressed to discover that Hendrix is a male author being that the inner workings and nuances of female friendships are so well depicted. 

     All in all, this book was one of a kind. It was a novel that was hard not to inhale, and more than anything, it was just plain fun. I really look forward to reading Horrorstör, another one of Hendrix’s novels, which is set up like an Ikea catalogue. (This guy is so cool don’t @ me).

Intensity

Dean Koontz

 Four stars

     So, my Grandma loaned me this book. Her words? “Oh, Kirsten. I just finished this book. It was pretty disturbing. I think you’d like it.”

     Thanks, Grandma.

     For all twenty-six years of her life, Chyna Sheppard has been a survivor. Despite an extremely unfortunate and borderline abusive childhood, she has come out on top and allowed herself to open up to a single person: her best friend Laura. Laura takes Chyna home with her for their spring break, where the unimaginable happens. Sociopath and serial killer Edgler Foreman Vess sneaks into the home, and begins brutally slaughtering all of its sleeping occupants, Laura and her family included.

     This book does not relent. The suspense was literally anxiety inducing at times, and the beginning of the book is extremely graphic. What makes it so addicting is the insane attention to detail throughout the entirety of the novel. Koontz has the ability to accurately describe the precise thoughts and idiosyncrasies the characters have exactly how I imagine I would have them myself if ever found in that horrific situation. For example, when Vess enters into Chyna’s guest room, he finds the room completely undisturbed and seemingly unoccupied. Chyna’s suitcase was still packed and hidden away, her bed still made, her toiletries put away. There was nothing to indicate that someone was staying in that room that night. And yet, as Chyna hides under the bed absolutely silent, she wonders if perhaps the sink had water droplets from when she washed her hands earlier. And, what if the hand towel is still damp from when she dried them? Will he notice? Will these small details be what gives her away and costs her her life?

     The book switches off between the perspectives of Chyna and Edgler Vess, both of which are ridiculously complex characters. While Koontz’s gift to so thoroughly show and not simply tell is what made the book so unique, it was also why I gave the novel only 4/5 stars. Because I had become so familiar with the minds of the characters, I found myself questioning a few decisions that didn’t seem to really fit what I had grown to know about them. There was also an occasional excess of details that felt tedious at times.

     While this wasn’t for the faint of heart, I did enjoy the book as a whole. This was my first Koontz novel, and I have a sneaking suspicion that it won’t be my last. 

The Off Campus Series

  Elle Kennedy

So there are four books in this series, and I’ve decided to do them all in a single review.

The Deal: 

The Mistake: 

The Score: 

The Goal: 

     Dude, these covers kill me. Full disclosure, I read these books on the Kindle app on my iPhone, so I was spared the quizzical and judgmental looks I imagine I would have received if I had read one of these bad boys out in public.

     Speaking of bad boys, AMIRITE?

     All of these books fall in the still fairly new genre of “New Adult”. On Goodreads, New Adult is described as “bridging the gap between Young Adult and Adult genres. It typically features protagonists between the ages of 18 and 25 with the cap at 30ish.” While I would agree with all of this, I also have come to find that it also means “toooooonnnnnnnnns of sex”. Seriously.

     Regardless, I really enjoyed this series. The common denominator throughout all of these books are the male protagonists. All four boys are good friends or roommates that play on the same college hockey team. I really like the fluidity of novels that reference one another, and it’s nice to have familiar names and characters that you already know pop up in one another’s books. I found that this allowed me to get more involved in the story, as well as more invested in the well-being of the characters and the relationships that they form.

     The structure of all four books are generally the same: the guy is a huge player until the girl comes along that makes him want to change his ways and be monogamous. What really makes this series a standout among the million other books with the exact same storyline is that all of the characters are likable. The author doesn’t waste your time with petty and immature plot lines, because all of the main players are impressively reasonable. The issues that the characters do encounter in their stories are actually valid, and their resolutions are equally as believable. 

     The books also have their subtle yet distinguishable differences. The one with the best character backgrounds and development (The Deal), the most sexually charged (The Score), the most obnoxious female protagonist (The Goal), etc. 

     I always enjoy a more mindless read in between all of the emotionally taxing horror/suspense novels that I read, and this series allowed me that. While there definitely is a stigma surrounding new adult (thanks a lot, Fifty Shades of Grey), I would say that this series did the genre right. But can we be a bit more discreet with the covers guys? No? Sex sells, you say? Well, alright then.

See you next month!

(maybe)

(possibly)

(most likely)

(no promises tho)

For the first time in seven years, I voluntarily cracked opened a fictional book. The last story I read that wasn’t set in reality was Dan Brown’s Angels & Demons. The book I’m reading now is…fine, albeit a little cheesy. But it’s been nice to get back on the horse, and I’m already looking to add a few options to my reading list.

This fairytale hiatus can be attributed to two things: 1) I got lazy around the age of 17 and substituted reading for Netflix and weed. 2) I got back into reading four years later, only my re-initiation was in the form of a self-help book, and I was hooked.

Self-help books are empowering. A good one can leave you with a rush, ready to seize the day, and overpower any and all obstacles that happen to fall in your path. There have been self-help books that have completely changed my perspective on life. However, immersing yourself too deeply in self-help books can be counterintuitive. It becomes easy to convince yourself that this leisurely activity has become a necessity.

Before we get into them, let me clarify what I consider to be “self-help.” Self-help books cover a considerably broad spectrum. Tony Robbin’s Awaken The Giant Within obviously falls under this category because it centers around taking control of your life and being the best you can be. But so does Walter Isaacson’s Ben Franklin, as we can all learn from the biography of one of the greatest minds in history. If it’s non-fiction that can teach you something new about life, I like to file it under “self-help.”

Here are the some of the biggest traps of the self-help rabbit hole.

Reading A Book On Productivity Does Not Make You Productive

It’s very easy to skim through the pages of The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People and feel the infectious energy of the people in this book. Unfortunately, this feeling can linger, while the call to action that comes with it does not. Sure, maybe you made your bed every morning for the first three days, or you spent the first week not answering emails in the morning (both suggestions you’ll find in every other self-help book you read). But these trends rarely hold place, while the belief that we’re actually being productive does. This in turn creates an internal pass to be lazy. It’s like the person who goes to the gym for the first time, then comes home and happily scarfs down a cake as a reward. That slice of cake can become particularly addictive, because all of a sudden you’re pursuing that feeling of productivity over actually productivity.

Regurgitating What You Read Does Not Make You Smart

Remember, you bought this book to improve on yourself, not to impress others. It’s so easy to quote Robert Greene’s description of Ben Franklin’s social intelligence, but no one cares, yourself included. Finish the book, let the facts that stuck with you sink in, and add your own opinion to them. Anyone can repeat a sentence they read in a book, but the point of self-improvement is to supplement your thoughts, not create them.

You’re Chasing The Dragon, Not Your Dreams

When you first delved into self-help, you did it to better yourself and eventually achieve the future of your dreams. There’s no get-rich-quick scheme. As all of these books have showed you, it’s about hard work and a pragmatic approach. But you start to wonder, what if there’s something else? That last book made such a good point about money management, what if the next one tells you exactly how to run your at-home business? Maybe the one after that will give you the perfect morning routine that will then give you a head start on the competition. All of a sudden, you don’t want to take action, because you think there’s more information out there that you might be missing. What was initially a form of motivation has now become a roadblock between you and your goals.

You Are Not Malcolm Gladwell

The most obvious statement in this article actually hit home the hardest for me. Malcolm Gladwell stated that he believes everyone should have a small breakfast. For him specifically, he has half of a croissant and a quarter cup of oatmeal. I tried a rough version of this for about two weeks and was very confused as to why I hated everyone and everything by 11 a.m. Malcolm Gladwell is 5’8”, 150 pounds, meanwhile I’m 5’10” and 185 pounds of PURE MUSCLE, BABY. To assume that I should emulate someone’s diet just because they used to write for The New Yorker is ridiculous. More important, it made me realize that everything I read is not one-size-fits-all.

Everyone Is Different

Just because Jocko Willink gets up at 4:30 a.m. to work out doesn’t mean you need to. Tim Ferriss goes on airplane mode after dinner and doesn’t turn if off until the next morning. Let’s be honest, that sounds awful. Tony Robbins jumps into 57-degree water every single morning. No thank you. Casey Neistat sleeps three to four hours a night. That’s a stroke waiting to happen.

A lot of people in these self-help books do things that seem inhuman, and probably have played a large part in creating the people they are today. That doesn’t mean that they are better than you, nor does it mean that it will work for you. I used to wake up at 5:30 every morning to do yoga before work. You know what that made me? Tired. After several months of waiting for my body to “get used to it,” I realized that I performed much better with the extra hour of sleep and just did yoga when I got home for the day.

Self-help books are full of suggestions, not facts. If something catches your interest, give it a try, but don’t be dismayed if it doesn’t work out. These books aren’t meant to create a whole new person, just help find pieces to the puzzle that is you.

Despite the treachery that can come with them, self-help books are incredible. While I plan on cutting back on them and mixing in a little fiction every now and then, they will still remain an integral part of me. Since I first cracked one open, my life has taken an immense turn for the better. Yeah, I live with my parents, but I’m super entrepreneurial about it. No, I’m not employed, but I’m going to be SO successful when I am. Okay, I also haven’t received my degree, but like, whatever. Fuck, what am I doing with my life?

In all seriousness, self-help books have made me a much better person. I’m in the best shape of my life, much more grounded than I would have been without them, and all around, I’m simply happier.

Go read some self-help books. Below are some of my favorites. If you have any suggestions, I’d love to read them in the comments section or you can always tweet me.

• Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz
  • There really is nothing like your first time. My first self-help book is near and dear to my heart. Psycho-Cybernetics is all about developing the ability to “steer” your mind toward your goals, and showed me just how much the average mind is capable of.

• Blink, Malcolm Gladwell
  • This book taught me to question every initial thought I have, and has strengthened my bullshit detector tenfold.

• Steve Jobs, Walter Isaacson
  • It was a beautiful thing to gaze into the mind of a man who shaped the world we live in today. Wow, what an asshole, though.

• Tools of Titans, Tim Ferriss
  • Basically a transcript of approximately 200 interviews with some of the most successful people on Earth, divided by “Health,” “Wealth,” and “Wisdom.” There is something in this book for everyone and it’s the one I would recommend if you had to choose one.

• The Four-Hour Body, Tim Ferriss
  • This book still impacts me to this day with all it taught me about diet and nutrition. Most of my love for this book stems from its intense diet, The Slow Carb Diet.

• How To Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie
  • The mother of all self-help books, many of the lessons on human interaction still hold true today, despite being over 80 years old. Warren Buffett’s favorite book, if that means anything.

We live in a time when information is more obtainable than ever before. A time when undeserved recognition is just an Instagram bikini picture away. So why not use both of these convenient advancements in technology to your advantage at your next social gathering?

Throughout generations, great intelligence has been one of the most revered attributes of a person, from Einstein and Edison, to Gates and Musk. The only difference between these great minds and yourself is that they created and invented to advance society and bring change, while you will spew half-right information and lies to make others feel contempt. That is precisely why at your next ball or gala you will astonish fellow friends and acquaintances with your taste in all things outdated and hard to challenge. Here is an easy guide to follow in order to depart a party leaving people whispering, “Is he always like that?”, and by “that” I mean smart.

1. Bring a brand of alcohol no one has ever heard of and insist that it’s the only thing you drink now, and that “there’s no way I could go back to the cheap stuff.” Then refuse to share it by hiding it in a cabinet when you’re not pouring yourself a glass.

2. If you have traveled anywhere outside of the states, it is extremely important that you constantly express how it changed your life. You also need to go back soon.

3. Always preface an interesting fact that you forced into someone else’s story with, “I listened to this TED talk…”

   

Example: “I listened to this Ted Talk and it said if you don’t get at least five hours of sleep a night you have a much higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s.”

4. Bring up Alzheimer’s.

5. Even if you didn’t see the movie someone brought up, say you saw “parts of it.” If they bring up any particular scene from the movie, you happened to miss that part.

6. The music/artist you’re really in to must be at least 40 years older than the age group of your audience. The worse the music is, the more unique you are and the less they understand art. You also like their older stuff better.

7. Infinite Jest is the best book ever because the author killed himself because he was too smart. Nothing smarter than liking a guy who was too smart to live. Nirvana is cool, too.

8. Wear a nice analog watch on your drinking hand to get your wrist into other’s view as much as possible. NO DIGITAL CLOCKS! Change your Apple Watc

   

   h to an analog face. Then when they ask for the time look at your watch, don’t say the time, hold it up at them, don’t say the time, let them struggle for a second, then say the time right before they are about to say it, making them look foolish.

9. Your Instagram is only filled with pictures of cups of coffee sitting next to open books. You follow no one, everyone follows you.

10. Lastly, highjack the AUX cord and sneakily play a song that should not be played at a party, like Father John Misty or Bon Iver, to firmly solidify your spot at the top of the party monarchy.

If you perform these simple steps correctly you will never be invited back to a party ever again, but that’s okay because you will still hear about it and show up uninvited. You will get older, gain more knowledge, and go to more parties. You just have to remember that you are better than every single person there. It is also important to remember that some of those people may not like you, but that’s also okay because not everyone likes Kanye, and you’re like Kanye.

11. Tell people you’re like Kanye.

February was a good month for books, people! I’m so excited to be able to highly recommend a few of the books on this month’s One Woman Book Club list. I know the suspense is killing you, so let’s dive right in.

Dangerous Girls

By Abigail Haas (pseudonym) Abby McDonald

Goodreads rating: 4.13 stars

My rating: 

Wouldn’t we all look guilty, if someone searched hard enough?

I don’t even know where to really start with this book. Because I am a monster, I typically read books in a single sitting. It’s usually around 4am after starting a book four hours earlier that I realize hmm, maybe this was a mistake. That being said, this book made it easy. 

A group of best friends decide to spend the Spring Break of their senior year getting trashed in a luxurious beach house in Aruba. Soft spoken, easy-going Anna is having the time of her life celebrating with her dream of a boyfriend Tate, and her wild and free, don’t-give-a-fuck BFF Elise along with a few other close friends. That is until Elise is found stabbed to death in her bed, and Anna and Tate are declared the prime suspects. Now Anna is stuck in a foreign country, fighting for her innocence in a system unfamiliar to her.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking- this is totally an Amanda Knox meets Natalee Holloway type of story.  You’d be right. The similarities are definitely there, but the originality certainly isn’t lacking. This book is so much more than the murder of a pretty blonde on a vacation. Haas writes with a deep understanding of complex young-adult relationships; love, sex, deceit, jealousy, friendship, guilt, innocence. The murder was simply the catalyst, with both that and everything in between executed to near perfection.

The story reads as a stream of consciousness from the perspective of Anna. It bounces back and forth between her memories and recollections both before and during the event, and her understandings and emotions during the aftermath and pending trial. Throw in a few police reports, documented transcripts of phone calls and interviews as they are being presented in court, and you’ll find yourself invested in a captivating thriller that you might as well be a jury member on. You will find yourself empathizing for Anna, scared for Anna, wishing the best for Anna. You will feel her emotions and anxieties as if they were your own, simply because she comes across so flawed, and therein, so real. But most of all, you will find yourself questioning Anna. How reliable is your narrator? What exactly do you believe, when the only story told to you is one you know to assume to be the truest version? I enjoyed everything about this book, and the feeling it left me with resonated for days afterwards. I would say to throw any reservations you may have about this book out the window, and give it a shot.

Bird Box

By Josh Malerman

Goodreads rating: 3.98 stars

My rating: 

It’s rare to stumble upon a truly original psychological horror, but Josh Malerman delivered. People around the world are seeing… something. Pregnant Malorie is at home with her sister when the first case breaks out in Russia. Before she knows it, the phenomenon has spread to a global scale. No one has answers. All that anyone seems to know is that if you see this something, you will quickly be driven to madness, murder, and finally, suicide. People begin blacking out their windows, boarding up their homes, and living their lives in blindfolds, all in the name of survival. What makes this book so bone-chillingly scary is that the unseen is so much more terrifying than the seen. It’s like being in a horror movie where the camera purposely doesn’t pull back large enough to see what’s standing directly behind you for the entire novel. There is something absolutely terrifying about not being able to give your fear a face.

Presently, Malorie has two small children in tow. She spends the first several years of their young lives training them- teaching them to live in the dark. The children have essentially lived their entire existence without the use of their eyes so that they might stand a chance at surviving upon leaving the house.

For full disclosure, I will say that you shouldn’t go into this book expecting answers. There is no, ‘why did this happen?’ or ‘how did this happen?’ which I believe is something to be appreciated. In this book, it couldn’t matter less. Our protagonist Malorie’s only goal is to find safety in this dystopian setting, and she’s all the more determined to now that she has something to lose.

If this sounds like a book you’d be interested in, I’d go pick it up ASAP and give it a read before the movie, starring Sandra Bullock as Malorie, is released later this year!

Killman Creek

By Rachel Caine

Goodreads rating: 4.32

My rating: 

After reading Killman Creek’s predecessor, Stillhouse Lake, I could not wait for this book to arrive. I was tracking my package on Amazon constantly like the impatient brat I always knew I was.

By the opening of this novel, Gwen Proctor has successfully transitioned from victim to warrior. She may have won the first battle against her murderous ex-husband’s psycho accomplices, but the war has just begun. Now Melvin Royal himself has escaped from prison and is determined to destroy his ex-wife and shatter the new lives that her and her children have attempted to create for themselves. This time, however, Gwen decides that a game of cat and mouse isn’t permissible. She’s tired of hiding and waiting around for the worst- of Melvin having all of the power. No, she’s decided to save him the trouble of finding her, because she’s coming for him.

After being so utterly in love with the first book, I almost felt like this sequel didn’t stand a chance of living up to it. Don’t get me wrong, Killman Creek had all of the elements that made Stillhouse Lake such a hit for me, but there were a few things I struggled with throughout. Stillhouse Lake is told exclusively from the perspective of Gina/Gwen, whereas this book expands its narrators to include fellow revenge seeker Sam Cade, as well as both of the children, Lanny and Connor. Caine definitely had her reasons for doing this (which I won’t divulge for the sake of spoilers), but I still found myself missing the well executed simplicity of keeping the thoughts of a single narrator straight.

I also struggled with the fact that Melvin had escaped prison, because of course he did. The only time that was even somewhat realistic to me was in The Shawshank Redemption. That being said, if you manage to suspend your disbelief, you’re bound to enjoy this pulse-pounding thriller. I’ll definitely be purchasing the third book in the series upon it’s December 2018 release.

The Butterfly Garden

By Dot Hutchison

Goodreads rating: 4.06

My rating: 

The Butterfly Garden is another one of those books that takes place in the present, but is consistently flashing back to past events in order to give us an understanding of what had to happen to get us to where we are now. This is extremely common, and in this case, extremely effective.

Hidden away there exists a garden. This garden is filled with “butterflies.” If the quotations there didn’t tip you off that we aren’t talking about insects, then let the record show that no, we aren’t talking about the little fluttering kind. No, the butterflies in this garden are young women- all drugged and kidnapped and brought to live in this twisted community where they are forced to sing and dance and have sex with their self-proclaimed keeper, The Gardener. He tattoos intricate and individualized butterfly wings onto their backs, and, past a certain age, has the women permanently preserved. Preserved, you ask? What do you mean? Well, if you’re thinking the worst, you’re correct.

Our story opens with the FBI questioning a particular butterfly, Maya. One would think that the fact that the reader is so quickly assured that The Gardener is caught would almost certainly guarantee a happy ending, however that shred of hope is ripped away just as quickly as it is introduced.

The character development in this story is outstanding. Almost every butterfly introduced plays a unique role in the unfolding of the novel, and Hutchison effectively captures the different ways that individuals can attempt to cope with trauma. This is a story about the lengths some will go to in order to survive, and the deeply ingrained desire to preserve beauty at any cost. While I wouldn’t say you need to rush out and buy this little guy, it’s definitely a unique and easy-to-read novel in its own respect.

See you next month!